Has the New Year resolution fervor died down? Are you still on the motivation high? Or are the self-sabotage voices starting to creep in?
Having been in the coaching arena for decades now working with the self-critic is a regular obstacle. This is not an accusation but a reality. In a global way we know our mindset plays a key role in our wellbeing. Recognizing the self-sabotaging behaviors, digging into the triggers behind them and finding some alternatives can be helpful in your health journey.
A sampling of four forms of self-sabotaging behaviors with a few simple thoughts for change.
- Perfectionism
- Procrastination
- Negative self-talk
- Blaming outside forces
“There is beauty and humility in imperfection.”
Guillermo del Toro
Perfectionism
Striving for vibrant health requires a boatload of humility and humbling energy. If our only goal is to be “perfect” in our wellness efforts, we set ourselves up for potential defeat. Learning how to embrace the process (it’s the journey not the destination) and take time to celebrate the small wins can be supportive.
This requires taking a step back from time to time and recognize how far you’ve come. As B J Fogg, behavioral scientist from Stanford University says, “Take time to celebrate the wins.” His book, Tiny Habits, The Small Changes That Change Everything, emphasizes the importance of recognizing what is going well and keep building on that.
“Procrastination is the thief of time.”
Edward Young
Procrastination
I’ll get to it tomorrow. How many of us have said that line before? Does placing it on the calendar the next day help or make it worse? What if you took the task and broke it down into small pieces, and found one part you could complete today?
Let’s use the phrase, I’ll work out tomorrow. What if you said I’m putting my shoes on right now and take a walk. While you’re walking you take stock of the win, you took action, give yourself a “high five” for moving today. Growing up in the Midwest there was a saying in our house “Doing something is better than nothing.” Movement heals.
“When you blame others, you give up the power to change.”
Dr. Robert Anthony, author Beyond Positive Thinking
Blaming Outside Forces
There is a lot of noise in the world which can distract us and zap our energy sources. Learning how to turn it down and not allow the outside voices (or people) to overwhelm our health and wellbeing efforts takes practice and patience. Strategies that help you prioritize and make space both mentally and physically can help avoid the trap of thinking “they” are the problem.
Let’s take one example and see how we could shake it up.
You go to work and in the break room there is a table full of donuts and cookies for someone’s birthday. This is a common occurrence. You see colleagues quickly reaching for the treats. Someone says here have one. You feel “pressured” and indulge. The next day your thinking is “why do ‘they’ always make me join them?”
You could look at it from another angle of prepare yourself ahead of time by practicing a response such as “No thanks I’m trying to reduce my sugar intake.” You let them know your priorities, you are then in charge. The more you practice this the easier it gets. You might not be successful every time, but you start taking steps to place the power into your hands not theirs.
“If you hear a voice within you say, ‘you cannot paint’ then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced.”
Vincent Van Gogh
Negative Self-Talk
Creating healthier habits is supported by creating healthier conversations with yourself. Alia Crum, PhD, psychologist from Stanford says, “Mindsets effect every medical encounter for better or for worse.” Thus, our inner conversations around health can impact our overall health on a regular basis. Alia Crum speaks with Andrew Huberman on that topic eloquently here.
In addiction circles part of the healing process involves recognition of the problem. If your inner critic is obstructing your health choices, recognizing the occurrence, reflect on what triggers it, in other words pause for a moment. Put some mental space and physical space between this “negative thought” and your reaction.
For some individuals working with a therapist can be extremely beneficial. For others having an accountability buddy or coach to talk through the conversation which allows space to reflect and see other perspectives beyond the criticism. Moreover, it is not to brush it under the rug and hide from the thoughts but see it as an opportunity to dig a bit deeper into the root cause and develop some strategies to address the real issue. Again, having support is paramount to this type of healing process.
Marcus Buckingham is a longtime researcher for Gallup and advocate of the concept of “strength-based” coaching. This is reflective of our self-sabotage conversation. As you move forward through the year start focusing on what you feel confident in, build on that and see where it takes you.
Embrace the possibility that creating healthier habits is a process of ongoing change. This transformation includes all the imperfections we hold and that is what makes us all so unique.
“The man who removes the mountain begins by carrying away small stones.”
Chinese proverb
